Sunday, February 23, 2014

Diary #6 : Sorry for not updating . . .

 Sorry for not updating

Since it's break I haven't been updating my blog, as you may have noticed. I haven't even done anything special during the break. 80% of it I spent in front of the computer. 20% is stuff like eating, using the bathroom and go to Ikea. School is tomorrow and I don't really want to go.  I feel like I've been lazy and tired about school lately. Not only school but also en everything. Life. 

I guess I've reached that period in life, that stage where you grow up and feel like shit and is all depressed and stuff. I feel anxious all the time. 

Time is ticking by so fast that it scares me. 

I can't believe that it's almost March, which means that we've already lived through 3 fucking months of 2014. 
6 months and it's already been half a year. 8 months and it's only 4 months until 2015.

I wish that time did not exist, only to realise that it actually does not exist and that there is no past and present.

It's not long till my birthday, and even if I turn 14 this year I feel just as small as ever. I'm still very childish to personality and behavior (maybe even mind?), and my appearance isn't mature in a bit. To the point my parents tell me to "grow up!" They tell me to think about the future. Act more like an adult. Get a talent and don't waste time on stuff you like to do but on more important things. 

And that scares me. We ourselves shape our future. What if I study a lot but don't get a job? My parents disapprove of my hobbies and interests and nothing I do seem to make them satisfied. 

Is it because that I'm your first child and oldest out of all my siblings that you put so much pressure on me? That I'm not allowed to do certain things but my siblings are? I can't wrap my mind around it. I know that you must listen to your parents because they know best and blah blah. So you're saying that you're 'protecting' me and that's why I'm not allowed to. Then why don't you 'protect' my siblings too?

This shit pisses me off more than anything. I sound like those depressed teenagers on tumblr. Funny thing I am.

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